the past and the present

i’m coming to the realization that i’m not the same person that i was when i was with you. i don’t even recognize her. i don’t remember what she thought or how she felt. i don’t remember anything about her. and i also don’t recognize you. i don’t remember the things you said and the weight those words had on me anymore. i don’t remember how you were. and it’s kind of sad. kind of sad to realize i’m letting go of a situation, a person that i loved and cared about for so long. but also it gives me this big sense of relief. because finally. finally i can be on my own. finally i don’t need you. and finally i can just be happy. i look at you and i am happy for you too. we’re two completely different people now. with different thoughts and feelings. and the past really just seems like the past. the whole concept of the past is so fucking weird to me. like once you get over it. once it’s no longer your present, it doesn’t matter anymore. and it’s almost like it didn’t exist. looking back, that person just doesn’t feel like she ever existed. our love kind of feels like it never existed. and that’s not a bad thing. it’s me getting over you. really getting over you. and finally taking care of me. and wanting me to be better for myself. not because i want you to love me. for so long, my whole entire purpose was you. everyday i thought i have to do better so he can love me again. but i never wanted to do better because i wanted me to love me. and now i want to love me. and i think i do love me. and i know i will be okay without you. i’ll be more than okay. i will prosper into beautiful, great things. and i know you will too. the past was the present for so long. but now the past can finally be just that. the past.